One wish

   Aside from publishing this post today being significant in that I squeak in without a full months absence from the DOC scene; it's also a day that I feel I should (to a certain extent) be entitled to get want I want.

   I really only want one thing.  I know I'm not the only one who wants it.  I'm willing to bet that just about everybody reading this wants the same thing.  You could say it would be an ultimate one size fits all.  And if I really wanted to play it up for the holiday season, I could say that it's not even really for me at all - but still, it's what I really want today.

   Amongst all of the things that I have learned in the past fifteen months and change, I've re-learned and probably to a finer degree, what I really need... the things in my life that are really important to me.  I guess when you have a child (or children) whose lives are at risk every single day and the unthinkable can happen even without so much as a warning, certain things become amazingly clear.

   I need my family more than anything else.  There are a lot of difficult and hard possibilities that we could face - especially in these often tough times - but even the threat of unemployment, foreclosure, and persistent creditors I think pails in comparison.  Thankfully we've been greatly blessed and have weathered the past few years well; still I can't imagine anything that could have happened that could come close to the horrible reality that has hit too many families.

   I realized a few years ago why I am here.  I didn't become the famous architect that I had grandiose dreams of in my younger days.  I did not amass great wealth and luxurious belongings.  I don't while away all of my time with globetrotting and fanciful events.  All of the things that I once believe were going to be my benchmark of success.  Instead I was blessed with something far more deeply meaningful.

   My legacy will not be a tourist attraction, it will not be a great literary work, it will not be a piece of stone or canvas for people to adore.  Indeed, my legacy may prove to be more profound than all of those put together.  It turned out that what I wanted was not what I really needed, but by grace and luck I stumbled into something far better than I could have ever imagined.  What I, with my wife, brought to this world are two beautiful children.  Full of wonder and curiosity, charm and joy, love and kindness.  In retrospect, I find my dreams of years ago mostly silly now as I know that those things could have never brought me as much as these two little miracles.

   I think that last year I was probably still overwhelmed being only about 14 weeks in, but this year as it got closer and closer I still could not think of anything else that I wanted.  Even today when people asked, only one thing came to mind.

   Today I realized that until there a cure, I will never blow out another candle with any other wish.

Hidden in plain sight

   All I saw was about 4" of tubing and I knew he was one of "us".  This morning, two pews in front of us I noticed the short loop protruding from under shirt and I knew what was at each end of it.

   It's interesting, I think, to stand back and look at the world from outside the DOC, the support groups, the fundraisers, the clinic appointments, and to for a moment take note of and appreciate the level of unawareness there is.  I'm willing to bet a weeks worth of lunches that not even my aunts and uncles on either side of us even noticed let alone the rest of the congregation.  Jonathan saw the Medtronic clip on the outside of his pocket and knew right away what it meant.

   It's almost like a secret society.  If you know what to look for, it really doesn't take long to find it.  Somebody has their pump clipped in their pocket.  Somebody has a blue circle pin on their jacket.  Somebody has a sneaker on them somewhere.  Yet at the same time, when we go back to normal speed it all gets caught in the blur.

   Shortly after Jonathan was diagnosed, I found out that someone I had known, more of an acquaintance, of about 2 years had been a Type 1 for almost 20 and I never would have guessed.

   I guess my point is, it's all around us.  Aside from our own D battles, if our children (and some of us) didn't have diabetes, it would still be there and as prevalent as it is, it's still hidden.  There are no braces, or crutches, or chairs, or special transportation, or physical differences or interpersonal challenges.  It's all hidden on the inside, sometimes only as deep as a t-shirt.  No wonder it's so hard to get people to understand and remember.

   But I do have hope.  I do because I am seeing it more.  I'm seeing more stories in the paper, and online, and TV, and radio, and I hear people talking about it.  Maybe I'm overly optimistic, but some days it feels like a snowball that is going to roll out of control and avalanche the world with information and awareness.  At least I hope so, because in order for them to help, they have to know.

   November 14th is World Diabetes Day.  Tell everyone why next Sunday is so important.  Tell them why it's a BiG blue day and keep pushing that snowball.

The truth is... I am Iron Man

   Maybe it's because he's such a great looking guy....  Maybe it's because he's so popular with the ladies....  Maybe, it's because he really is as cool as a billionaire playboy...  Or maybe, just maybe, it's because he has a miracle of technology plugged into his torso.  But no matter how you slice it, he's my hero!

   Someone asked me today "How do you do Halloween with Jonathan?"  To which I responded "Well, first we find a really cool costume, then we dress him up and give him a bag.  Finally we send him running house to house screaming 'trick or treat'..."  And I was once again labeled a 'smart-ass'.  Fact of the matter is, we all know it looks a lot easier than it is.  

   Factor in assumed activity to the dinner bolus, set temp-basal, check BG often, have juice boxes on hand, and try to keep up.  I've never been a much of a juggler in a practical sense, but it kind felt like we were marching down the street with our balls in the air.

   I'd like to consider myself to be fairly non-judgmental, and I honestly don't remember having an opinion on diabetes and Halloween before, but I can imagine there of plenty of people out there who would shake their head at the notion of a diabetic child going trick-or-treating, and maybe even a few who would question our fitness as parents for allowing such an activity.  The simple matter of fact though, is that Halloween is no different for a diabetic child as it is for any other (at least not in their minds) and the irony of it is that most, if not all of our kids, actually are healthier trick-or-treaters than some of the other kids because they are typically more responsible (ok, with some guidance) with their sugary treats and don't gorge themselves on piles at a time (like I did when I was a kid).  He, and his sister, each get one - occasionally two treats per day as desserts after a meal (usually lunch - sometimes dinner), and his is factored into his carb count.

   Halloween this year, that is the night of, wasn't as big a deal D-wise as some may think.  Actually, there was no candy consumed by either child last night.  In D terms it was no different than a long after dinner walk with some extra fun thrown in.  I really don't want to over-simplify it (a 3.8 / 68 half way through was a big F-me moment), but the things is as much as it's harder than some may think, it's more doable than they might imagine.

   The thing that amazes me though about Jonathan is, over the past year had change, when special treats come up he doesn't put up too much of a fuss if his sugar is high and he has to wait until later.  He's shocked the hell out of both his teachers with how good he is about it.  Not just Halloween, but birthday cupcakes, craft snacks, and a number of other seasonal items.  Sometime he's not too high and there's no concern, but if he's in the 20's (>360) the teacher feels uncomfortable about sending him up higher, and really she's right.  As much as I don't want him to be excluded from special activities, he's better to wait until later for that special treat and have something more sensible at the time.... and he never puts up a fuss about it.

   Calm, cool, collected... and great tech for battling evil... he is a real Iron Man.