I Thought it Would Get Easier

  I don't think I'll ever forget last year when I started my big JDRF fund raising push for 2010.  I remember making that first video and how tough it was; not technically, but emotionally.  It was even hard to write the e-mails to everyone telling them about what Jonathan and so many others go through on a daily basis and what the real risks of diabetes are even though we try to not dwell on them every day.

  So I don't know why I thought this year would be any easier.  Jonathan is a year older, a few inches taller, and more amazing than ever, but when I have to sit down and really think about it I can't help but hurt when I think about the issues he may have to face.  I remember just how much I hate this f*^%!#@ disease and how really helpless and small I feel next to it.

  Maybe it's a good thing though.  Maybe, if I can focus a little, all those nasty feelings can be channeled to fuel the drive to do something better.  Use the dark side against itself.  I don't know, I guess we'll have to see how that works out. In the mean time, I'll just keep plugging away until I get what I really want.