Aside from publishing this post today being significant in that I squeak in without a full months absence from the DOC scene; it's also a day that I feel I should (to a certain extent) be entitled to get want I want.
I really only want one thing. I know I'm not the only one who wants it. I'm willing to bet that just about everybody reading this wants the same thing. You could say it would be an ultimate one size fits all. And if I really wanted to play it up for the holiday season, I could say that it's not even really for me at all - but still, it's what I really want today.
Amongst all of the things that I have learned in the past fifteen months and change, I've re-learned and probably to a finer degree, what I really need... the things in my life that are really important to me. I guess when you have a child (or children) whose lives are at risk every single day and the unthinkable can happen even without so much as a warning, certain things become amazingly clear.
I need my family more than anything else. There are a lot of difficult and hard possibilities that we could face - especially in these often tough times - but even the threat of unemployment, foreclosure, and persistent creditors I think pails in comparison. Thankfully we've been greatly blessed and have weathered the past few years well; still I can't imagine anything that could have happened that could come close to the horrible reality that has hit too many families.
I realized a few years ago why I am here. I didn't become the famous architect that I had grandiose dreams of in my younger days. I did not amass great wealth and luxurious belongings. I don't while away all of my time with globetrotting and fanciful events. All of the things that I once believe were going to be my benchmark of success. Instead I was blessed with something far more deeply meaningful.
My legacy will not be a tourist attraction, it will not be a great literary work, it will not be a piece of stone or canvas for people to adore. Indeed, my legacy may prove to be more profound than all of those put together. It turned out that what I wanted was not what I really needed, but by grace and luck I stumbled into something far better than I could have ever imagined. What I, with my wife, brought to this world are two beautiful children. Full of wonder and curiosity, charm and joy, love and kindness. In retrospect, I find my dreams of years ago mostly silly now as I know that those things could have never brought me as much as these two little miracles.
I think that last year I was probably still overwhelmed being only about 14 weeks in, but this year as it got closer and closer I still could not think of anything else that I wanted. Even today when people asked, only one thing came to mind.
Today I realized that until there a cure, I will never blow out another candle with any other wish.